2013: Weird Dream

Nung isang araw, nanaginip ako:

Pinapagalitan ako ni TL Liz kasi umabsent ako kahapon kasi ang dahilan ko, namatay daw ang tatay ko. Sabi niya sa akin, "eh matagal nang patay ang tatay mo ah!"

Tapos, nung na-realise ko na patay na nga pala si papa, iyak daw ako nang iyak. hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero iyak ako nang iyak.

Nung nagising ako, ang sakit-sakit ng dibdib ko.

Napag-iwanan?

Earlier, I was browsing through friends' updates - most of them were about celebrating their kid(s)' honor/awards/recognition at school. Some parents tagged their friend and posted the pictures with certificate, awards, etc.




I suddenly felt this haunting feeling na I should feel sorry for myself because until now, I cannot REALLY say that I have a family of my own. I mean, as in baby/kid of mine.




... and then i realised - am i missing something? should i really  i took a deep breath and said to myself, no. I am happy just the way things are.

and I want to keep it that way.

suicide is NEVER an answer!

Everybody has something to say about a death of a UP Manila Student.

It is indeed very disheartening when a child takes his or her own life.  It could be true that one of the reasons why she took her life was because of financial difficulties faced by her family.

However, she is not alone with that problem. Billions of people are facing financial hardships.

I graduated from UP Manila. I had to file an LOA because my aunt couldn't pay my tuition fee. Back then, it was only Php 5000. I had to answer my batchmates' questions. I had to face inquiry from friends. I had to stop schooling because my aunt could not afford it.

I had to cope with it. I had no choice. I had to work.

But suicide never came into my mind. It just didn't.

I had not close family to turn to - my dad died a few years back then. My mom left us. My sister just gave birth at an early age of 17. My youngest sister was too young to understand.

I was on my own.

Ending one's life is not (and will never be) an answer to life's questions and difficulties.

It's so sad.

Nalilito

So I have all the time in the world to update my profile since I have free and fast access to the net at work. (somehow, this make me feel happy - and giddy - that I work for Financial Times!) . No more "hiding". tee-hee.

While browsing through my blog, napapangiwi ako sa mga grammar lapses... punctuation errors and mga corny notes. Hindi naman kasi ako nagpu-proofread. Anyway, since I cannot remember what my password was, I tried retrieving it on google - which I was successful enough to do so BUT ONLY TO FIND OUT na I retirieved my second blog - this blog.

So, I started blogging in 2005, purportedly created a new in 2007.

Ang weird ko talaga. I suddenly realised, I should have stayed with blog1. Wala pa rin naman nagco-comment. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Anyway, I will be keeping this blog na lang. Kahit nakakangiwi ang mga entries na nilalagay ko.

SECRET LOVE

ang bago kong kinababaliwan..... haaaay...

panaginip

Nanaginip ako kaninang umaga

Sa panaginip ko, umuwi raw ako sa Katipunan para sunduin si nano.  Sabi nung mga kapatid ko, tapos na raw yung bahay na pinapagawa ko - sabi ko naman na hindi pa kasi naayos yung bahay sa cavite.  Ang sabi nila, yun daw yung pinapagawa ko sa Katipunan - yung ginagawa ni Tito Totong.

Sa labas, matarik yung hagdan at medyo maraming mga batang nakatambay.  Pinaalis ko sila tapos pumasok na ako sa loob.  SOBRANG ANG GANDA RAW NUNG LOOB! As in!

Tiled yung floor (medyo reddish) at black/white ang over all theme. May patio.  Nakakalat pa yung mga gamit kasi hindi pa siya naayos - may 5 TV, may 3 malalaking ref.  Tapos, mga 3 floors ata siya.

Andun yung mga kamag-anak ko - Uncle Phil, Lilay, Tita May, Tito Joel, Ate Abby, Ate Shawie, Ate Lanie.  Kausap ko raw si Ate Shawie, sabi ko sa kaniya, sana buhay pa si papa para kasama namin siya.  Pareho raw kaming naiiyak kasi very emotional na.

Andun din yung ex ni jayjay - very excited na umakyat at sipatin yung mga kwarto sa taas.

Hindi raw ako makapaniwala na may bahay ako na ganun kaganda.

Meron pa nga run na banners na "we're so happy for you", "congratulations on your new house" at "ang ganda ng bahay mo ate kris!"

Grabe.  Hindi ko na-check out yung taas at mga kwarto kasi nagising na ako.

Para talaga siyang totoong-totoo. 

awiting makabagbag-damdamin

anong kanta ang unang nagpaiyak sa iyo?

kanina habang tinatahak ko (well, ng bus) ang kahabaan ng EDSA tinugtog sa rady ang "Old Songs".  Natigilan ako nang bahagya at naalala yung unang beses na narinig ko yung kanta.. ako naman ay napaluha nang bongga.  Naramdaman ko kasi yung lungkot at pait ng paghihiwalay at yung pangarap na magkabalikan pero wala kang magawa.

Don't get the wrong idea.  Nung una kong narinig to, NBSB pako nun.  Kaya, in essence, hindi ko dapat maintindihan ang bigat ng pakiramdam na mawalan na ka-relasyon kasi, hindi ko pa naman nararanasan yun (nung time na yun).

Pero dahil sa lyrics at sa pagkakanta... hands-down tearjerker siya.

Ikaw? ano'ng kanta ang nagpaiyak sa iyo?