some days...

...i feel empty
...i feel sad
...i think and say bad things about other people

for you.. a thousand times over...

some words left unspoken
some promises left broken
some moments left unshared
some memories forgotten

some poems left unwritten
some songs left unsung
some letters left unsent
some secrets kept

you were my beautiful chaos
masterly crafted in such a way that brings awe and fear
you were an irony of emotions and everything in between
it's either we sink, or we swim...

Ang Pagbabalik

madalas...
nakakalimot ang isang tao
sa mga bagay na halos bumuo ng kaniyang pagkakakilanlan

ilang taon man ang lumipas
mananatili ang ugong ng nakaraan
na magbabalik
at muling magpapa-pintig ng pusong
matagal na hindi tumibok

magbabalik
ang mga pangarap na makailang-ulit
na nilubog ng kasalukuyan

at tulad ng along muli't-muling hahampas sa dalampasigan
gaya ng minsang awit na nalimutan

ang daluyong ng unang pag-ibig
ay manunumbalik
mas maalab
mas matapang

2013: Weird Dream

Nung isang araw, nanaginip ako:

Pinapagalitan ako ni TL Liz kasi umabsent ako kahapon kasi ang dahilan ko, namatay daw ang tatay ko. Sabi niya sa akin, "eh matagal nang patay ang tatay mo ah!"

Tapos, nung na-realise ko na patay na nga pala si papa, iyak daw ako nang iyak. hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero iyak ako nang iyak.

Nung nagising ako, ang sakit-sakit ng dibdib ko.

Napag-iwanan?

Earlier, I was browsing through friends' updates - most of them were about celebrating their kid(s)' honor/awards/recognition at school. Some parents tagged their friend and posted the pictures with certificate, awards, etc.




I suddenly felt this haunting feeling na I should feel sorry for myself because until now, I cannot REALLY say that I have a family of my own. I mean, as in baby/kid of mine.




... and then i realised - am i missing something? should i really  i took a deep breath and said to myself, no. I am happy just the way things are.

and I want to keep it that way.

suicide is NEVER an answer!

Everybody has something to say about a death of a UP Manila Student.

It is indeed very disheartening when a child takes his or her own life.  It could be true that one of the reasons why she took her life was because of financial difficulties faced by her family.

However, she is not alone with that problem. Billions of people are facing financial hardships.

I graduated from UP Manila. I had to file an LOA because my aunt couldn't pay my tuition fee. Back then, it was only Php 5000. I had to answer my batchmates' questions. I had to face inquiry from friends. I had to stop schooling because my aunt could not afford it.

I had to cope with it. I had no choice. I had to work.

But suicide never came into my mind. It just didn't.

I had not close family to turn to - my dad died a few years back then. My mom left us. My sister just gave birth at an early age of 17. My youngest sister was too young to understand.

I was on my own.

Ending one's life is not (and will never be) an answer to life's questions and difficulties.

It's so sad.

Nalilito

So I have all the time in the world to update my profile since I have free and fast access to the net at work. (somehow, this make me feel happy - and giddy - that I work for Financial Times!) . No more "hiding". tee-hee.

While browsing through my blog, napapangiwi ako sa mga grammar lapses... punctuation errors and mga corny notes. Hindi naman kasi ako nagpu-proofread. Anyway, since I cannot remember what my password was, I tried retrieving it on google - which I was successful enough to do so BUT ONLY TO FIND OUT na I retirieved my second blog - this blog.

So, I started blogging in 2005, purportedly created a new in 2007.

Ang weird ko talaga. I suddenly realised, I should have stayed with blog1. Wala pa rin naman nagco-comment. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Anyway, I will be keeping this blog na lang. Kahit nakakangiwi ang mga entries na nilalagay ko.