"kailan ka kaya darating?
magkikita pa ba tayo?
ilang taon pa ba kita hihintayin?"
katulad ba kita na pagdating sa usapin ng puso ay na-uumid ang dila? ikaw ba yung tao na akala ng iba eh, super strong pero pagdating sa pag-ibig eh, tatanga-tanga?! you desperately (shucks, desperada talaga ang lolah!) want to share your life (and what's left in it - coz, ur old already *sigh*), but can't seem to find the "ONE"...
aynako! bakit ba kailangang hintayin yang L%###!!! the ONE na yan... kung pwede naman si "kuwan"? well, good point right? why wait for that ONE when you can meet "kuwan", or how about "phwang" or kung sinu-sino pang -wan???
well, hindi ba you're "worth the wait"? hindi ka ba deserving to be loved by that special someone - yung nga yung "the ONE"...????
sa totoo lang, ang hirap kasing maghintay.... lalo na kapag yung mga tao sa paligid mo, magka-holding hands... may "kasama" sa kahit anong lakad (ultimo pagbili ng suka sa suking sari-sari store!) hindi ba masarap yung idea na at the end of the day, meron kang nilu-look-forward na tinig over the phone? every morning you wake up and see sweet messages na tipo bang mabubulong mo sa sarili mo na, "wow! sarap talaga mabuhay!"? tapos you find yourself smiling kahit wala namang worth smiling for (sa hirap ba naman ng buhay ngayon no!) but you still find your self smiling.... hindi ba nakakakilig na kahit gaano pa kataas ang preseyo ng bigas, you don't worry, as long as may kasalo ka sa pagkain ng mainit na NFA rice at bagong pritong tuyo with suka on the side...?
well, what do you think?
maghihintay ka ba kay ONE or "try" every "wans" that come your way?
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
emptiness
isa na namang buwan ang dumaan sa buhay ko
lately, madalas kong nararamdaman ang hindi maipaliwanag na kakulangan sa buhay ko -- hindi ko kayang i-describe yung ganitong feeling; probably longingness, loneliness, perhaps emptiness...
akala ko, pagkatapos ang unos sa buhay ko, maaayos nang lahat... inisip ko na tapos na ang mga bagay na nagpapabigat ng damdamin ko at nagpapagulo sa isipan ko... hindi pa pala.
minsan, hindi ko na alam kung saan o kung kanino tatakbo. mapapansin ko na lang ang sarili ko na naluluha habang nakasakay sa fx papuntang opisina, o hindi makatulog o madalas hindi makakain...
marami akong gustong marating - lugar, mga pangarap, mga nais gawin - para sa sarili ko. iniisip ko, pag naabot ko na ba ang mga iyon, makakaramdam na nga ba ako ng kasiyahan? o ng kabuuan?
meron bang babasa ng mga ito? meron bang nakakaintindi? meron kayang sasagot at sasabihin sa akin na, "kaibigan, wag kang mag-alala... andito lang ako tyn.."
minsan, ayaw ko nang sumulat dito - kasi para akong nagsusulat sa hangin. ayaw kong isipin na mag-isa talaga ako. pero mukhang ganun yata...
naguguluhan
ako
at
nalulungkot
ang
puso
ko....
=(
lately, madalas kong nararamdaman ang hindi maipaliwanag na kakulangan sa buhay ko -- hindi ko kayang i-describe yung ganitong feeling; probably longingness, loneliness, perhaps emptiness...
akala ko, pagkatapos ang unos sa buhay ko, maaayos nang lahat... inisip ko na tapos na ang mga bagay na nagpapabigat ng damdamin ko at nagpapagulo sa isipan ko... hindi pa pala.
minsan, hindi ko na alam kung saan o kung kanino tatakbo. mapapansin ko na lang ang sarili ko na naluluha habang nakasakay sa fx papuntang opisina, o hindi makatulog o madalas hindi makakain...
marami akong gustong marating - lugar, mga pangarap, mga nais gawin - para sa sarili ko. iniisip ko, pag naabot ko na ba ang mga iyon, makakaramdam na nga ba ako ng kasiyahan? o ng kabuuan?
meron bang babasa ng mga ito? meron bang nakakaintindi? meron kayang sasagot at sasabihin sa akin na, "kaibigan, wag kang mag-alala... andito lang ako tyn.."
minsan, ayaw ko nang sumulat dito - kasi para akong nagsusulat sa hangin. ayaw kong isipin na mag-isa talaga ako. pero mukhang ganun yata...
naguguluhan
ako
at
nalulungkot
ang
puso
ko....
=(
Saturday, February 16, 2008
...buhay pa ako...
yes,
i am alive.
sa mga taong nagtatanong if i still exist
yep.
sa mga taong gustong mabura na ako sa mundo...
well, sorry...
but i need to go..
NOW.
i am alive.
sa mga taong nagtatanong if i still exist
yep.
sa mga taong gustong mabura na ako sa mundo...
well, sorry...
but i need to go..
NOW.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
random rants
Ang galing talaga ni God, super!
Just want you to share what I just read a few minutes ago..
"the church focuses, generally, on issues like 'how to gain a good self-image' or 'how to be more effective in prayer' than it does to know God"
tama naman db?
masyado tayong nakatingin sa numbers, sa material things, when we should be concentrating on God and God alone. Takot tayo sa sasabihin ng iba, sa opinyon ng tao pero sa ang opinyon ni God ang nasasakripisyo...
Just want you to share what I just read a few minutes ago..
"the church focuses, generally, on issues like 'how to gain a good self-image' or 'how to be more effective in prayer' than it does to know God"
tama naman db?
masyado tayong nakatingin sa numbers, sa material things, when we should be concentrating on God and God alone. Takot tayo sa sasabihin ng iba, sa opinyon ng tao pero sa ang opinyon ni God ang nasasakripisyo...
Saturday, December 1, 2007
strangers are angels
i have never been fond of talking to strangers... (yun bang.. ikaw yung unang makikipag-usap sa isang taong right then and there mo lang nakita/nakilala)
first, suplada lang talaga ako (i am sure a lot of you won't believe it, but yes.. i am suplada!)
second, hindi ko lang talaga feel na makipag-usap sa isang taong totally unknown to me - parang ang weird na bigla na lang ikaw feeling close sa someone na you've just meet, say, 2-3 minutes ago.
but God spoke to me in a different way...
umalis kami nina nessa para mag-take out sa mcdo - not knowing that God will speak to me in a manner that'll make me grin until now - so ayun nga.. we went out, shempre, yung guy (whoever he is) was with his manager at that time. nung tatanungin na ng crew kung ano ang order ko (umupo na si Nessa at Nano nung time na yun), the manager told me, "Db ma'am kaibigan ka ni Miss Judy?" flustered, i told her, "ah yung manager every morning? Ah, oo.. kilala ko siya." And then the manager began telling the cashier guy na regular customer daw ako sa mcdo and so on...
so i was there and he was there, in between giving my order, the guy was asking things about me - like where i live, how old i am and also making comments how nice my smile is, whether i am married or if i have a boyfriend... yung mga ganung too weirdong mga tanong.
well, the questions and comments where somewhat personal but at that time, i was 'drinking it all in'...
weeks (probably months ago), i've been having a pity-party of my own - na pakiramdam ko, napakapangit ko and that i am worthless and that i am just a piece of trash. i have been struggling with these thoughts and feelings - na wala nang magmamahal sa akin, na wala akong kwentang tao because people that i care and love always leave me - intentionally or unintentionally.... i've grown so numb that even praises from close friends didn't even matter...
and this guy - who was simply taking my order while telling me how cute my smile is - this guy who by just looking at me made me feel very uncomfortable (in a nice, yet uncomfortable way), made me feel special... :)
then it hit me - naalala ko yung love ni Lord, naalala ko yung love ng papa ko, naalala ko yung love ng mga kapatid ko, naalala ko yung love ng mga friends ko... it's as if *boom* nawala lahat (if not, almost) yung painful feeling of being alone and left out.
AMAZING...
God, in all His majesty, used that less-than-five-minute conversation with a stranger.. He used that moment to 'say' to me that i am feel special and loved. GRABE talaga si Lord. Na-touch ako with the thought na, sa dami ng "inaasikaso" Niya sa mundo, he took time para i-address yung mga needs, hurts, wants and desires ko.
like me,
Paul (formerly known as Saul) had a five-minute-miracle with God at Damascus...
Moses had a five-minute-miracle near the burning bush
Hagar had a five-minute-miracle at the well (Mary Magdalene too!)
Mary had a five-minute-miracle while being informed that she'd be the mother of the Savior
the guy with Jesus on the cross had a five-minute-miracle with Jesus himself when He told him that at that very moment he will be with Jesus in heaven
and a lot more Biblical characters, who were saved, healed and delivered from evil, had a five-minute-miracle from God.
ang galeng ano?
ikaw,
have you had a five-minute-miracle of your own?
share mo naman!
first, suplada lang talaga ako (i am sure a lot of you won't believe it, but yes.. i am suplada!)
second, hindi ko lang talaga feel na makipag-usap sa isang taong totally unknown to me - parang ang weird na bigla na lang ikaw feeling close sa someone na you've just meet, say, 2-3 minutes ago.
but God spoke to me in a different way...
umalis kami nina nessa para mag-take out sa mcdo - not knowing that God will speak to me in a manner that'll make me grin until now - so ayun nga.. we went out, shempre, yung guy (whoever he is) was with his manager at that time. nung tatanungin na ng crew kung ano ang order ko (umupo na si Nessa at Nano nung time na yun), the manager told me, "Db ma'am kaibigan ka ni Miss Judy?" flustered, i told her, "ah yung manager every morning? Ah, oo.. kilala ko siya." And then the manager began telling the cashier guy na regular customer daw ako sa mcdo and so on...
so i was there and he was there, in between giving my order, the guy was asking things about me - like where i live, how old i am and also making comments how nice my smile is, whether i am married or if i have a boyfriend... yung mga ganung too weirdong mga tanong.
well, the questions and comments where somewhat personal but at that time, i was 'drinking it all in'...
weeks (probably months ago), i've been having a pity-party of my own - na pakiramdam ko, napakapangit ko and that i am worthless and that i am just a piece of trash. i have been struggling with these thoughts and feelings - na wala nang magmamahal sa akin, na wala akong kwentang tao because people that i care and love always leave me - intentionally or unintentionally.... i've grown so numb that even praises from close friends didn't even matter...
and this guy - who was simply taking my order while telling me how cute my smile is - this guy who by just looking at me made me feel very uncomfortable (in a nice, yet uncomfortable way), made me feel special... :)
then it hit me - naalala ko yung love ni Lord, naalala ko yung love ng papa ko, naalala ko yung love ng mga kapatid ko, naalala ko yung love ng mga friends ko... it's as if *boom* nawala lahat (if not, almost) yung painful feeling of being alone and left out.
AMAZING...
God, in all His majesty, used that less-than-five-minute conversation with a stranger.. He used that moment to 'say' to me that i am feel special and loved. GRABE talaga si Lord. Na-touch ako with the thought na, sa dami ng "inaasikaso" Niya sa mundo, he took time para i-address yung mga needs, hurts, wants and desires ko.
like me,
Paul (formerly known as Saul) had a five-minute-miracle with God at Damascus...
Moses had a five-minute-miracle near the burning bush
Hagar had a five-minute-miracle at the well (Mary Magdalene too!)
Mary had a five-minute-miracle while being informed that she'd be the mother of the Savior
the guy with Jesus on the cross had a five-minute-miracle with Jesus himself when He told him that at that very moment he will be with Jesus in heaven
and a lot more Biblical characters, who were saved, healed and delivered from evil, had a five-minute-miracle from God.
ang galeng ano?
ikaw,
have you had a five-minute-miracle of your own?
share mo naman!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
money matters
i joined our team's "paluwagan" and i was really anticipating the day i get my 'sweldo'.
it's not too much but the promise of getting a large sum of money is really exciting! imagine, i get to buy the stuff that i REALLY want. the day drew near - but the euphoria was spoiled by the fact that our account is having some 'problems' and the client wants to 'lower the cost' - which means lowering down the number of people...
the excitement gone, i just went to buy gifts for my inaanaks and friends (which turned out pretty well), but only to find out that almost all of it - gone with the wind!
i have discussed this with a colleague, and we both agreed na ambilis mawala ng pera.
kaya hindi talaga dapat ilagay ang tiwala sa pera - o sa kahit anong bagay o sa kahit sinong tao sa mundo.
kasi, madali silang nawawala.
buti si God, hindi.
it's not too much but the promise of getting a large sum of money is really exciting! imagine, i get to buy the stuff that i REALLY want. the day drew near - but the euphoria was spoiled by the fact that our account is having some 'problems' and the client wants to 'lower the cost' - which means lowering down the number of people...
the excitement gone, i just went to buy gifts for my inaanaks and friends (which turned out pretty well), but only to find out that almost all of it - gone with the wind!
i have discussed this with a colleague, and we both agreed na ambilis mawala ng pera.
kaya hindi talaga dapat ilagay ang tiwala sa pera - o sa kahit anong bagay o sa kahit sinong tao sa mundo.
kasi, madali silang nawawala.
buti si God, hindi.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
i have learned that...
today was a very sad day for me and the whole team i am working with. unexpectedly, we had people who got terminated simply because the "upper-level" said so.
it is unfair. and unprofessional.
there were things i have learned:
1. that you can never trust people, more so the company you are working with, simply because NOTHING and NO ONE IS STABLE. time and time again, i have been reminded of the saying that "Change is the only thing that's constant in this world"
2. that i need not to worry because it will not help me in any way. God simply said to let tomorrow worry for itself...
3. that sincerity works best in silence. whatever words that come out of one's mouth, if not from the heart, you won't feel anything.
4. that people should be cherished, loved and respected the earliest possible time.
5. that you need not wait for the perfect opportunity to say nice things about a person, because that time may never come and it's too late for you to let them know.
6. that the more you know a person, the harder it is to let them go..
7. that good people turns bad... (in situations like this)
8. that most companies think more of money that good and hardworking people that work for them.
9. that no matter how you perform well, it's not enough to satisfy them. all they want you to do and think about is work, work, and work... and if they do not want you, they simply throw you away...
10. that a team won't be the same without Joanne, Vane, Arlene, Jocee, Joel, Bryan, Ian, and Naw. it will never be.
11. that this is not the end...
it is unfair. and unprofessional.
there were things i have learned:
1. that you can never trust people, more so the company you are working with, simply because NOTHING and NO ONE IS STABLE. time and time again, i have been reminded of the saying that "Change is the only thing that's constant in this world"
2. that i need not to worry because it will not help me in any way. God simply said to let tomorrow worry for itself...
3. that sincerity works best in silence. whatever words that come out of one's mouth, if not from the heart, you won't feel anything.
4. that people should be cherished, loved and respected the earliest possible time.
5. that you need not wait for the perfect opportunity to say nice things about a person, because that time may never come and it's too late for you to let them know.
6. that the more you know a person, the harder it is to let them go..
7. that good people turns bad... (in situations like this)
8. that most companies think more of money that good and hardworking people that work for them.
9. that no matter how you perform well, it's not enough to satisfy them. all they want you to do and think about is work, work, and work... and if they do not want you, they simply throw you away...
10. that a team won't be the same without Joanne, Vane, Arlene, Jocee, Joel, Bryan, Ian, and Naw. it will never be.
11. that this is not the end...
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